


The Knives4cash Seven-Day-Spectacular!

by knives4cash



Category: Frozen (2013), RWBY
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Monochrome, Parody, RWBY Relationship Week V2, Romantic Comedy, Troll Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knives4cash/pseuds/knives4cash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am partaking in Tumblr's RWBY Relationship Week V2! Seven days, seven stories, ANY pairing, platonic or romantic! Anything goes. Hilarity shall ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blake and Weiss Went Up the Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Day One. The two characters randomly generated: Weiss and Blake.

“Weiss, hold up!” Blake called to her companion as she slipped yet again on the ice.

Weiss grabbed her arm and pulled her up to the very top of the staircase. “Honestly, Blake!” she groaned as she adjusted her scarf. “You’re the cat! Aren’t you supposed to have feline reflexes or something?!” 

Blake shook off the sparse snow that had collected on her winter coat. “Shut up,” she grumbled. It was, like, a hundred flights of steps to this ice castle. Anyone could slip at any point.

“Ugh, whatever. Let’s just get this over with,” Weiss requested as she began to pound on the massive ice door. “Arendelle Homeowner’s Inspection Corporation Incorporated!” Weiss called out. “Open up, pal!”

The door slowly opened, but no one was on the other side. 

“Wow,” Blake muttered out of awe. The place was magnificent, completely made out of ice. An intricate chandelier hung in the center of the massive palace, and the only color was a soft, ice blue. “Hellooo?” she called out, hoping that the homeowner was available. 

“Yes?” a timid woman answered, revealing herself on a spiraling staircase and dressed in a bedazzling dress that matched everything else in the palace.

She was wearing too much eyeshadow, but Blake decided to keep that remark to herself.

Weiss practically drooled. “Um,” she gasped. “Hi.”

The woman offered a meek smile. “Hello, can I help you two?” she asked. 

Remembering their task, Weiss abruptly coughed and brought up a clipboard. “Yes, we’re here on behalf of the Arendelle Homeowner’s Inspection Corporation Incorporated!” she explained. 

“We need to check out your home,” Blake explained.

The woman nodded. “Well, that’s very kind of you, but you’re not safe here.” 

“Oh, so the house isn’t structurally sound.” Weiss made a mark on the clipboard. “I see.”

“What? No.” The woman shook her head, faded blonde hair swaying in the cold. “No, I just meant-” she stopped. The two were simply doing their job. Perhaps, if she cooperated, they would leave sooner. 

“Uh-huh,” Weiss frowned. “Well, shall we get started then?” she asked as she took Blake’s hand in her own and dragged the faunus towards the spiraling staircase where the woman stood. 

“Very well,” the woman sighed as she beckoned they follower her up the staircase. “What do you need to know?”

Weiss and Blake carefully proceeded up the stairs. “Well, these stairs, ma’am.” Weiss grumbled as she clung to the railing for dear life, “They seem to be made of ice.”

The woman sighed. “How very observant of you.”

“Well, that’s not safe, ma’AAAM!” Weiss shrieked as Blake slipped, and the two went tumbling down to the bottom.

The woman simply observed as Weiss frantically tried to get to her feet, but her heavy winter layers were weighing her down.

Blake simply lay on her back, already accepting her fate. She never was that good at ice skating anyway. 

Weiss found peace in simply sitting on her cold, bruised butt. “Okay, how about we just ask you the questions, and then we can be on our merry way?” 

The woman nodded.

“Okay,” Weiss sighed as she fumbled for another pen. 

Blake simply took the clipboard into her own possession, clicking a red ink pen as she smirked. “Are you hooked up to the city’s utilities?” 

The woman stared. “We’re at the top of a mountain,” she reminded the two.

Blake made an X on the paper. “Okay, what’s the mortgage on this place?” 

The woman rolled her eyes. “I built it myself.” 

Weiss groaned. “Suuure you did. What about property tax? Are you paying property tax on this land?”

The woman gawked. “Are you two deaf? We’re at the top of a mountain!” 

Blake sighed, marking another X. “Can this place withstand an earthquake?” 

The woman’s patience was running thin. “How should I know?” 

Blake observed the lack of supports for that staircase. She went ahead and just marked an X. 

This place was going to be foreclosed by the end of the week. Weiss sighed. “Okay, there’s just one more question.”

The woman smiled. At last, she could have the solitude she so desperately desired. 

“Aren’t you using just a taaad too much eye shadow?”

The room’s temperature plummeted. 

“I think you made her mad,” Blake whispered as she slowly pushed herself towards the door. 

With a twirl of her fingers, the woman summoned a giant snow golem.

Said snow golem promptly removed the two from the palace. 

Blake removed her head from the snow. “What a way to end the first day on the job,” she thoughtfully remarked as Weiss angrily started scraping snow off herself. 

“Hey!” a sudden, chipper woman called to them. 

The two looked up to see a girl with red hair and freckles approaching them with a blonde man, a reindeer, and a midget snowman in pursuit. 

“Hey,” she called again. “Did you two meet a-”

“YEP.” the two immediately answered.

“Oh, cool!” the other girl smiled as she asked, “Was she in a good moo-”

“NOPE.” they answered as they started making their way down the mountain. 

Everyone looked to the castle as the snow golem emerged and bellowed, “NO SOLICITIIING!!!” 

Blake and Weiss were gone before the thing could even finish the sentence.

“The insurance never bothered me anyway!” Weiss screamed as they tumbled back down the mountain.


	2. Rabbit Hunting Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two of Seven. 
> 
> Randomly generated characters: Velvet Scarlatina and Roman Torchwick. 
> 
> Yes, I know.

The window dissipated with a powerful blast. Roman Torchwick stepped through, intent on getting out fast. The thugs moved in swiftly, their suits looking thrifty. And all the dust was ripe for the grab. 

“Alright, boys!” Roman called with delight. “Let’s see about taking this without a fight!” 

The elderly man, old and frail, threw his hands up and stepped back, his attitude already growing stale. “All of this, I earned with hard work and labor! Is it too much to ask for just ONE savior?!” 

Roman swung his cane into the old man’s side. “Out of the way, you old geezer! Lest I stuff you in a freezer!” The redhead exclaimed as his thugs exposed those who dared to hide. 

“Please, let me go home!” a young woman shrieked. “I’m just a student with a loan!” she explained, massive rabbit ears flapping, scared that she’d be beat. 

Roman was awestruck, amazed by her beauty. “Unhand her at once, you awful loony!” he commanded to the thug and approached the frightened creature, smug. 

“Please, sir!” the faunus begged. “This whole situation feels like a blur!” 

The girl posed no threat, this much he willingly bet. “What is your name, girl? It’s dangerous for someone pretty as a pearl.”

The young woman blushed and quickly answered, “Scarlatina! First name, Velvet!”

And poor Roman’s heart practically melted. 

Roman knelt down and eyed the girl level. “Why are you here, Velvet?” he asked like a good-looking devil. 

Velvet blushed, taken aback by his smile. “Earning income for a student is a must!” she explained, panting all the while. “I work part time! I save every dime! I must work hard, lest my career should combust!” 

Roman sat down astounded, his ambitions now firmly grounded. Here was a girl who reminded him of, well, him! He had been young! He had been wise! But then he’d met Cinder, seduced by her eyes. 

“Now hold on there, you pretty, young lady,” he began with sass. “You seem to be rather quick and hasty. Did you know I was like you? Possessed with such an ideal view?” he asked, his understanding growing fast. 

Velvet shook her head, fairly certain she would wind up dead. 

Roman smiled, tone growing fond. “But then life hit me hard, and life hit me fast. Much like the window, things collapsed with a blast!” he explained with a yawn. 

The thugs rounded up all of the loot, and they began to file out with a hoot. It was typical of them to raise all heck.

Velvet sighed, “This will certainly reduce my paycheck.” 

Roman brought a hand to her chin. “Don’t despair, little friend. Your troubles shall end!” he boldly exclaimed to his potential kin. 

Velvet’s left ear wilted, clearly confused. Perhaps this robber wouldn’t leave her bruised? 

“Join my gang!” he announced. “With us, you could hang! Or, you could partner with the White Fang,” he added as he got to his feet with a bounce. 

THAT would cause nothing but grief! Velvet shook her head; she’d rather accept defeat. 

Roman sighed, clearly sad. “Very well. Then I leave with the boys who are overjoyed just a tad.” 

The man took his leave, but the faunus didn’t weep. 

For in her lap was evidence that Roman left humbler. 

For in her lap was the handsome man’s phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am rather fond of this particular one.


	3. Picture This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Three of Seven!
> 
> Randomly generated characters: Cardin Winchester and Adam Taurus.

There was something to be said about sleep. It sure did solve a lot of problems. Well, “postpone” would probably be more accurate, but Cardin couldn’t really analyze the terminology while drifting about in a peaceful slumber. 

“Mr. Winchesteeer?” an overweight female droned, her days of youth dead alongside her hopes and dreams. 

Aaand Carding’s peaceful slumber came to an abrupt end. Shooting up, he immediately remembered that both of his legs were broken. The heart monitor flared. “AAAGH!!!” 

“Oh, quit your whining, boy!” the nurse spat as she wheeled in another victim. “Meet your new roommate!” 

Cardin growled. He wasn’t too fond of having to share his already limited space. 

The man was in a wheelchair, but the shirt was what took Cardin by shock. It was the White Fang’s design. 

“Oh, um,” Cardin awkwardly coughed. “I don’t think I’m ready to take care of an animal.”

The faunus gruffly laughed. “I see why you got your legs broken.” 

“Bite me, you rat!” Cardin scoffed, “It was an accid-”

“Blake broke his legs,” the nurse interrupted as she wheeled him into the corner opposite Cardin. “You two, try not to wreck the place, will yah?” she asked, but didn’t really ask, before leaving. 

The door slammed shut behind her, and the bolt echoed as it locked into place.

The boy wasn’t happy. First he was bedridden, and now he had a mangy mutt glaring at him. “Would you stop glaring at me, dog? Don’t make me get up to put you down.”

The faunus shot back, “What are you going to do, bleed on me?!” Pointing at the bed which Cardin lay in, he boldly proclaimed, “Your legs got slashed by Gambol Shroud! You won’t be walking for months!”

Cardin fell silent, the truth certainly stung. 

“Wait.” Cardin glared at the faunus. “How did you know it was Gambol Shroud?” 

The gruff man nearly bit his tongue. “Um…” he weakly began. “She hurt me too,” he humbly explained. 

And the silence ensued. 

“...Blake, huh?” the faunus began. “What’d you do?”

Cardin sighed. There really wasn’t a point to being hostile towards one another, now that they were forever sealed in the same room. “I just pointed out her cat ears.”

The faunus raised an eyebrow. “And?”

Cardin pouted. “And I may have knocked over her milk.”

“Aaand?” he prodded. He knew Blake. She had a VERY high tolerance for bad attitudes. 

“I don’t even know why I’m showing you this,” Cardin grumbled as he reached behind his pillow and pulled out a stunning photograph of a praying mantis. “Here,” he offered to the faunus. 

The wheelchair squeaked as he rolled over and took the photograph into his own hands. For the first time in forever, Adam was rendered speechless.

Seconds ticked by before he slowly looked up to Cardin. “It’s a masterpiece,” he weakly breathed, throat going dry from disbelief. 

Cardin smiled for once. “I had to use up all of Beacon’s bandwidth to download it, and the cat girl broke my legs for it; but it’s totally worth it.” 

Adam nodded. “It is a VERY high quality picture."

Perhaps the road to recovery could be done with someone at his side, for once in his life. Cardin held out his right hand.

Adam had a firm handshake.


	4. See Penny, Pick Her Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Four of Seven. 
> 
> The randomly generated characters: Cinder Fall and Penny.

Alone, working in darkness, Cinder sat content to scheme away. 

But, a gentle tip-tap-tip-tap suddenly interrupted the blissful silence of solitude. 

“Friend Cindeeer?” an all too hyperactive voice called out, her chipper tone echoing throughout the warehouse. 

Cinder sighed. “Over here, Penny!” she called out as she continued her work. 

The petite tip-tap bounced all around the empty zone as Penny came bounding over.

Promptly throwing her arms around the taller lady, Penny beamed with joy. “Oh, what a WONDERFUL day it is to see you, friend Cinder!” 

Putting down the device she had been tinkering with, Cinder reluctantly placed her arms around the other. “Yes, I suppose it is, Penny.” 

But the young girl gasped. “But, friend Cinder! You have been cooped up inside this dusty, old warehouse all day! You should come outside and smell the white roses!” 

Cinder groaned. Today was a day for dastardly deeds, not for frolicking through fields of flowers! “Penny, I need to work on my evil schemes,” she explained as she removed the young girl’s grasp. 

Sitting down on the table, Penny pushed the object of Cinder’s desire out of her reach. “Come and get it, friend.” 

Rolling her eyes, Cinder stood up and leaned forward.

Penny leaned back.

Cinder leaned farther forward.

Penny leaned farther back.

Cinder quickly had Penny pinned to the table, evil plot device long forgotten.

“Friend Cinder?” Penny asked as her friend leaned in.

“Yes, Penny?” she responded, face inches away from the girl. 

Mechanical smile faltering, Penny questioned, “Are you my friend?”

Cinder stopped. “What troubles you, Penny?”

Cutting right to the chase, Penny explained, “You try to do bad things to my other friends. And your friends are not very friendly to my other friends.” Smile now gone, Penny continued, “It makes me feel bad to know that you’re doing these things.” 

But Cinder, ever crafty, had an answer. “We’re not friends, Penny.”

Penny remained silent.

Cinder continued, “We’re girlfriends.” 

Tilting her head, Penny confessed, “I do not understand.”

Cinder leaned in and gently pressed her lips to Penny’s. The girl remained motionless, but Cinder was determined in her motions.

The older woman quickly took in a breath as they parted. “It means that you don’t correlate what I do with what your friends do. You focus solely on me.”

Penny began to smile. “So, what you do is no longer evil? All other factors of the equation are rendered null and void? You are simply being you, and I should love that?” 

Smirking, Cinder leaned back in. “Now you’re getting it.”


	5. Lessons in Wordplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Five of Seven. 
> 
> The randomly generated characters: Glynda Goodwitch and Lie Ren.

Ren sat down at the bar and motioned for the bartender to serve him the usual. 

Glynda slouched against the counter, sighing with utmost depression. 

“What happened?” Ren asked, but he had a good idea as to the source of the woman’s grief. 

“He tripped, fell, and broke his cane,” she answered as the glass came sliding down but fell short of its intended target. “Here,” she muttered as she passed the tea cup to her friend.

“Thanks.” He took the steaming cup of Earl Grey into his palms, content to let the heat be transferred via conduction. 

“And he almost cried,” she spat as she took a sip of her own drink. “A grown man almost crying about a broken stick.” 

“To be fair, it was a nice cane for Ozpin,” Ren defended thoughtfully as he sipped on his tea. 

“Tch, men,” was the only thing that she could think of in response. 

Low-tuned jazz played in the background, but the song was coming to an end. 

“Vixxy!” Glynda called as she pulled out a handsome coin from her bosom and tossed it to the bartender. “Keep it going!”

Ren smirked. Raising an eyebrow, he daringly ventured, “Men, huh?”

Sitting up straight, Glynda looked the younger man straight in the eye. “I suppose present company can be excluded,” she reluctantly decided. 

Ren chuckled. “And I suppose that you can be a fair and equitable lady as well, Glee.” 

The blonde rolled her eyes as she motioned for Vixxy to haul her butt over to the paying customers. They were the ONLY customers at the moment, but they were paying nonetheless. 

“What’ll it be, lovebirds?” the fair girl asked as she approached. 

“Something to shut the nicknamer up,” Glynda wittingly shot. 

The other two had a chuckle.

Glynda had a knowing smirk of her own. Glee wasn’t something that she would let anyone else call her. But, Ren was not just anyone. “How about a toast for the one man who could tolerate me?” 

Vixxy raised an empty glass for the sentiment of the moment. Glynda was one of her best customers, after all. 

Raising his teacup, Ren quickly explained, “I suppose I should thank Nora for building up my immunity to woman things.” 

Taking a sip of her own drink, Glynda stated, “If you keep insinuating that I’m not perfect, you’ll be sleeping on the couch.” Glancing over to the younger boy, she gave him a reassuring wink. 

Smiling, Ren looked up into her green eyes, slightly magnified by the glasses. “I think ‘perfect’ isn’t enough to describe a lady such as yourself,” he slyly chided. 

“I think I’ll just… go,” the bartender quickly declared before moving back to the end of the bar. 

The jazz slowly began to fade out again as the two leaned in.

And paid for their own drinks separately, as they were in a completely platonic relationship, a standard friendship that had been strengthened over the years but hadn’t developed into a romance, as they simply did not feel that way towards one another.

“Very clever banter today,” Ren commented as he got up from his barstool. 

“You were pretty good yourself,” Glynda complimented as she remained seated. 

Ren did a small double take in his exit. “You’re sticking around?”

Glynda waved to Vixxy for another refill. “Not yet. I want to get some more water before I go.”

Ren nodded. “I’ll see you next Thursday for another banter session?” 

Glynda smirked. “Of course.” 

And nothing sexual ever happened ever. At any point in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUCKEEER!!! YOU SHOULD SEE THE LOOK OF FRUSTRATION ON YOUR FACE, AHAHAHA!!!
> 
> Ah, but seriously. I might revisit this in the far future as a serious romance.


	6. Do You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Five of Seven!
> 
> Randomly generated characters: Yang Xiao Long and Nora Valkyrie.
> 
> Due to delays, this is being posted on the 5th of April instead of the 4th.

“But how do we know?” Nora asked yet again.

“That is the big question, is it not?” Yang responded. “Let us reconsider!” she suggested as she leaned back in the redhead’s embrace. “If all of reality is based on what we can only perceive, then that would imply that all we cannot perceive simply does not exist.”

Nora nodded in agreement as she tightened her embrace, still scantily clad in her nightgown for the blonde. “Quite a radical perspective, but that does defy the logic of all that is undiscovered to ourselves. And even then, should we choose not to acknowledge or believe it, does that then mean that it is not part of our own reality?” 

Yang chuckled. “Quite the conundrum, no?” 

Placing a firm kiss on Yang’s head, Nora proposed, “But then, what if we are simply being shown what a higher intelligence wishes us, and those around us, to see? Perhaps the unknown would then simply be forbidden.”

“Oooh.” Yang bent her neck back to gaze into the redhead’s eyes. “That’s a fascinating idea, but is there an objective way to identify or discover the existence of this higher intelligence?” 

Looking off in thought, Nora reluctantly conceded, “I do not believe so. Thus, we are back to square one?”

Sighing, Yang reluctantly agreed. “Unfortunately so, it seems. Perhaps all that is reality is simply what the five senses can pertain to?”

Nora did not attempt to conceal her snort. “Say whaaat? How then would you explain emotion? Turmoil? Strife?” Chuckling, Nora booped Yang’s nose. “Dare I suggest Love?” 

“Of course, my beloved.” Growling, Yang agreed, “That is not a suitable hypothesis.”

Nora did not feel disdain. “No, no! It was a nice idea! It’s just that there are things that we cannot conceive with just the five senses. There are things beyond the senses that technically don’t exist, but somehow do!”

Yang nodded. “Yeah, yeah. But what definition of reality would encompass all that is visible and invisible while at the same time disregarding what could not possibly exist?” 

Rolling over, Yang sprawled out on her back. Intertwining her fingers with Nora’s, she humorously asked, “Can’t we just have sex on a consistent basis?” 

Slowly massaging Yang’s hand, Nora chuckled, that iconic gleam brightly shining in her eyes. “Not if we keep asking the big questions during foreplay.”

Pouting, Yang scooted up beside Nora and nuzzled into the crook of her neck. “I really love these conversations, but we can’t do both at once.” 

Placing her own head atop Yang’s, Nora theorized, “If we could figure out what is reality, maybe we could focus on the making of love.” 

“Agh! But they’re both so much fun!” Yang complained as she clung to Nora’s form. “Maybe some day, when we solve the universe, we could just die from orgasm!” 

Nora laughed as she moved herself on top of the blonde. “How about we let someone else solve the universe and stop talking?” 

“THIS coming from YOU?!” Yang practically gawked at the realization that Nora Valkyrie just suggested that they stop talking. “This changes everything!”

Smirking, Nora closed her eyes and leaned in. 

Some day, maybe they could solve the universe. But, right now? 

Nora had more important things to do.


	7. Addictions, Every Subtraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends. How about a parody?

All was quiet. The occasional remark of disdain was made as canisters were tossed about, and other supplies were thrown to the ground. 

Come to think of it, all was pretty noise.

“C’mon, c’mon!” Ruby Rose growled in frustration as she pried open another canister, only to find that it was empty. “Rrrgh,” was all she muttered as she dropped the accursed thing and continued her search. 

The door to the office opened up, much to Ruby’s shock.

Spinning to face her foe, Ruby stood ready to throw an unopened container. 

“YOU?!” they both shouted at once.

And they both flinched at once, clutching their heads in agony and moaning. 

“Ruby,” Ozpin panted. “WHAT are you doing here?”

Ruby clawed at the canister. “I could ask YOU the very same thing, pal.” 

“This is MY office!” he reminded her. 

Ruby winced. “Not so loud, please?” 

Ozpin shut the door. “You’re going through withdrawal?” He couldn’t believe it. Of all people, Ruby Rose was an addict? 

Whimpering, Ruby nodded in shame. The canister finally popped, only to reveal that it was empty. “WHERE are you hiding the goods, Ozpin?!” 

“Not so loud, gah!” Ozpin winced at her tone. “I’m not supporting your addiction, Ruby.”

“That’s a load of baloney, punk!” Ruby pointed an accusing finger at the man and boldly proclaimed, “I know you’re an addict too! I KNOW you’re holding onto the good stuff!”

“Ruby, shut UP!” Ozpin seethed as he locked the door. “If the facility finds out I’m an addict, they’ll kick me out!” 

Ruby sighed. Two junkies in the same jungle. “Do you have ANYTHING, Ozpin?” 

“Right, because I’ll share with another junkie like you,” he spat back. 

“I’ll pay you big time, man! I just need something to hold me over until I get my next allowance!” Ruby practically begged. 

Ozpin considered. “How much?”

Ruby scrambled to pull out a fresh dust crystal of bright cyan. “This is what I have. What do you got?”

Ignoring the grammar error in her speech, Ozpin slowly moved to a painting of a wall safe and pulled it back to reveal a wall safe. 

“Son of a biscuit,” Ruby muttered to herself. If she hadn’t been so starved for a fix, she might have figured that one out. 

Entering in the combination, Ozpin opened the chamber and pulled out a single, whole, unopened bag. “I can sell you this,” he offered. 

“Just the one?” Ruby gawked at him.

“Take it or leave it, pal.” Ozpin deadpanned. He had to get his own fix, and his supplies were already dwindling. 

Ruby scowled. Addiction was a terrible thing, but she slammed the crystal down on the desk and snatched the bag up.

It only took a short five minutes for Ruby to get her fix. A piping hot cup of coffee, steaming with flavor, soon found purchase within Ruby’s grasp. 

Ruby took a sip and shivered. At long last, she felt like a normal person once again.

And in her moment of clarity, she cursed the night that Weiss had given her that first cup of coffee. Everything had gone downhill after that. At first, the coffee helped her do better. She could study longer, she could stay awake longer! But then… she needed more to get that buzz. And soon, she needed it just to wake up in the morning.

“Caffeine… not even once,” she muttered as she quickly downed the rest of her drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank all of you for following the RWBY Relationship Week V2. It was rather demanding, but it was fun. Tumblr will be Tumblr, so here's hoping to V3!


End file.
